October is Pregnancy and Infancy Loss Awareness Month and October 15th is Pregnancy and Infancy Loss Remembrance Day. At 7pm we lit our candles in remembrance of little ones that went to heaven too soon.
This article sums up so well all the thoughts and feelings I’ve come to know deeply, even though I’m not quiet about our journey and struggles with infertility and loss. I wear my story around my neck nearly every day. A sweet friend of mine sells Origami Owl jewelry. You can pick different charms to put in your ‘living locket’. Mine represents my family. A birthstone for each child and a heart birthstone for my husband. A crown because the Lord reigns in our home. And wings to remember our little one I miscarried. On the kids’ adoption day, I added a dangle that says “forever” to represent that we are a forever family. I wear my heart plainly for all to see. But so many women (and men, men hurt too and get forgotten all too often) bear the burden of loss in silence.
I share openly of my own personal pain but I know my grief is small compared to friends who have delivered their babies stillborn or watched their children fight and lose to cancer or deal with the shock of a drowning. So much sadness. Such deep grief. My heart breaks for these friends. I’ll never know or understand the depth of their sorrow. But I weep for them.
I pray as you sit quietly at baby showers. I pour my heart out to the Lord on those painful anniversaries that you try to steel your heart for each year. I see you wince at the careless words, meant kindly, that cut a searing line straight to your broken heart. I had but a portion of your grief and it overwhelmed me. Where can we find comfort in all this sorrow?
(I’ve really appreciated the missional motherhood blogs over the last few months. They have a little bit for everyone and range in topics from nurturing a young child’s heart to blessing your family as an empty nester. They had a good one on infertility too.)
Our only comfort is found in Christ. Through all the sorrow… through all the emptiness and pain… the Lord is our rock and our shield, our joy in mourning. Please know the only way to find joy again is in life with Christ. Life abundant and everlasting. He bore all for us because he loves us.
He was despised and forsaken of men, A man of sorrows and acquainted with grief; And like one from whom men hide their face He was despised, and we did not esteem Him. Surely our griefs He Himself bore, And our sorrows He carried; Yet we ourselves esteemed Him stricken, Smitten of God, and afflicted. But He was pierced through for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities; The chastening for our well-being fell upon Him, And by His scourging we are healed. Isaiah 53:3-5
He bore our grief that we may find joy and life in Him.
As I lit my candle last night, I lit it for my sweet one in heaven. But I also lit it for you who grieve silently. Who have never shared the story of your sorrow. Know you aren’t alone and you don’t have to bear the burden in isolation.
On a lighter note (and because knitting IS my therapy)… I’m an Enkel Vest knitting machine right now. I’m trying to use up my bits of stash yarn and this darling vest pattern is great for using up the little balls wound up here and there- plus it’s adorable.